hard truths about dating in your twenties.

Cue that awkward point in your life when most of your friends have been in a serious relationship for years and you’re still yet to find that person you’re ready to settle down with or even find someone you’re remotely interested in. For those who can relate, you’re not single because you couldn’t snag someone; you are simply holding out for someone better, that someone who can really connect with. Don’t worry you’re not falling behind, it’s just not your time.

Many people would argue you have to date around to truly discover what you want, while others know what they’re after.  And if you’re the more guarded and picky type like myself, finding that special someone could take some time, but I know it’s going to be completely worth it. I have only had 3 “proper” relationships; I do not dive into these things lightly.  For me, the first “I want to date this guy” moment happened in my last year of High School. We grew up together, shared highs & lows, were compatible & comfortable with one another and fun; it was the idealistic love, the love that looks right. We spent our late teens to early twenties as ‘on-again – off again – on again’ but there’s always something special about our first love, something you can never truly let go of. After that I always seemed to date older guys; something has always intrigued me about an older partner. I guess I feel they will be more mature, at my stage of life, experienced etc. Then there is the ‘in-betweeners’, the ones you casually see for a few weeks or even months; the might-have-beens, the players and the Tinderfellas.

If we’re single for too long, we joke that we need to buy a cat. Or we think that Tinder is essential in our day to day routine. We start hoping dates include going back to someone’s place where they live alone in this amazing house,  you wake up wearing their button-down shirt looking cute AF and then you can go home and gossip about it at brunch with your friends. Almost none of this is true, except for the gossiping. Most of the time the one-night stand is awkward; you’re laying there thinking do I leave now or in the morning, what do we talk about now, did I even enjoy that, will I look like sh*t in the morning, god forbid will I fart in my sleep?!

So lets get real – here are some hard truths to dating in your 20s.

  1. It feels like the pickings are getting slim the more you travel through your twenties.
  2. Secondly only some dudes get more mature as they get older. Only some!
  3. As you and your friends get older, serious relationships become more serious, people actually go out and get freakin’ married. Some friends will start to slowly fade out of your life. It’s tough, but keeping up friendships is work – and you find out the ones that are worth it.
  4. Going to events without a plus one is low-key hard in your 20s. It’s certainly not the end of the world, but it’s definitely lonely. Try not to get too drunk at all those birthdays, engagements & weddings.
  5. At some point, you will become obsessed with the idea of the future and you won’t understand why. As the people around you get engaged, get married, have kids, and start adult lives, you feel the pressure, whether you want to or not. You’ll have days where you don’t give an eff, but you’ll also have days where you care. A lot. But you can get through it!
  6. You’ll do stupid things, stay with people you shouldn’t stay with, and get totally screwed over. It will happen to you too and it sucks.
  7. Ever seen He’s Just Not That Into You? The basic principle is that if a guy likes you, he will try for you. If he doesn’t call you back, it’s because he doesn’t want to. If he doesn’t make effort, he doesn’t want to. It’s harsh, but you have to be exposed to these harsh truths when you’re in your 20s. DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS THAN YOU DESERVE!

Dating in your 20s is hard and can usually be heartbreaking. It’s also an exciting learning experience.  I do not regret any of my relationships, casual flings nor would I trade my single years for anything. They have shaped into who I am and I now know what I want from my future other half. Looking back on my past and current single years I had the most fun ever, I focused on me, achieved a lot at work, partied, I travelled and I really bonded with my friends and family. Don’t fret if you’re still single, love yourself first & everything will fall into line.

‘You don’t need a boyfriend, you just need sunshine & tequila’.

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